Failing into my Greatest Moment as an Athlete

I’m going to share with you a window into the human body that almost no one understands… and also a memory that to this day touches the depth of my heart. It speaks of the whole purpose of life and turns the ego of competition in sports on its head.

But first, a little context.

In my early 40’s I discovered I liked to run for the first time. Unless sprinting, running was always sooo boring… until I discovered trails. Every step was different. And I felt connected to nature, perhaps even to my past ancestors. It was the perfect outlet to get maximum wellness in a short amount of time. I had discovered the hidden treasure of living in Helena Montana, which I dubbed, “Best Trail Town…”

That was when my friend Micah suggested I run the Rut.

The Rut is a series of rigorous trail races held at the Big Sky ski resort. 12k, 28k, 50k, and vertical k. I did the 12k and did well, but when I went to sign up the next year, I noticed a deep fear within when I looked at the 28k. I knew I needed to sign up for it. And I did. The 28k has been my only fascination in trail races.

In the 28k and 50k you race against professionals from all over the world…runners sponsored by Solomon and North Face. I always start in the first heat…along with professionals that only run for a living…how cool is that! While the 50k is longer, the 28k contains most of the elevation gains (8000 ft up and 8000 ft down), all between 9000 and 11,000 feet. It’s the most rigorous length/elevation race in the US, and I feel it’s a metaphor for my life. Steep ups and downs (no, I’m not bipolar)… rough, painful, and yet epic and exhilarating.

You go over Lone Peak and even steeper areas. Both the ridge on the left and far right are part of course. I had tried to ascend Lone Peak the year before, but had to turn around the last 200 yards; I was overcome by fear. I asked Micah if he would guide me to the top and he did. I learned to harness the fear (it’s much steeper than it looks).

My first Rut 28k I trained about 2/3 what one should do. I posted my best time to date: 4 hours, 35 minutes. I’m proud that no one from Helena has beaten that time yet. The next year, after dislocating my L shoulder for a second time (falling through a roof), I trained 1/2 as much, used poles, and added 15 minutes (but I ran off course 1/2 mile).

This is where the story gets interesting. The next year, at age 46, I signed up again. But I didn’t train. I was spending all free hours outside work attempting to build a new building for FPT.

When I say I didn’t train, I mean I did nothing other than treat patients and took 5, five mile runs in the final two weeks before the race (essentially nothing). My plan was simply to stay in the back of the back, finish, and help our new employee Bri simply finish the 28k. But Bri bailed on me one week before. When I showed up, my friends from LA were excited to tell me they had lift tickets to cheer me on again just before Bonecrusher, the ridge up to Lone Peak.

I tried to tell them, “No, you don’t understand…I didn’t train.” But they didn’t seem to care and after pondering I decided, what the heck, I’m going to run this thing! I got 1 hour into my 3rd 28k and I noticed I didn’t seem to be running any slower. I thought, wow, maybe I could get on the podium for my age…always my goal (I was fifth my first year). Then it hit me…my first cramp in my right calf. Then the hamstring. Pretty soon it was my left calf, hamstring, then both groins. My muscles were not prepared for the rigor.

My response to the pain that I endured from then on was my greatest achievement in all of my sports life. I decided I would finish. I dug deeper than I ever have…I went at the fastest speed I could without tripping. I am here to tell you that cramps, no matter how painful, can be overcome by your mental state. And by your heart.

My secret weapon has alway been my application of my Core Reprogramming method. Mind/heart/body/soul all become one and the laws that govern our physiology become bent, even broken. I anchored into my heart with every movement. I wanted to be done with the race, yes, but my only motivating force was HER.

She is my #5, Ellie, our bundle of joy who was so excited that I was going to carry her across the finish line like the year before. So that is what kept me going through constant cramps and pain of 7-8/10. On the final 30 minute descent to Big Sky, I was in rough shape. I felt like I was on the verge of cramping into a pretzel that no one would be able to undo. That is when this stranger Paul (pictured to my left) ran up alongside me. We talked as we ran… he sensed my situation… I told him about my daughter. We quickly became friends. And people kept passing us. I kept saying, “Paul, run along, I’ll be OK.” He always said, “No, I’m staying with you.” And people kept passing us. We were going about 1/3 speed.

I was in a daze as I saw the final stretch, almost forgetting about Ellie. I didn’t even notice my son Gabe had come to run alongside me as well.

Micah asked me after the race, “what was your favorite part?” It was THIS EXACT MOMENT. My new friend, Paul… my “Simon of Cyrene” at my side. My son Gabe on my other. At THIS EXACT MOMENT I looked up and I happened to look right at my daughter Ellie springing toward me… on her way to jumping into my arms. Just before the finish, I grasped hands with Paul and we all “won” together.

This far surpassed any award or podium pic. It was the meaning of life, relationship, love and sacrifice that gave this race profound depth. All the way to the mystery of the human heart. My time was my worst, 90 minutes slower than my best…mid pack. But I learned in that moment that LOVE is so much greater than the fear and ego that drives much of sports competition.

I shouldn’t say this, because you will think I’m fibbing… and it’s really not believable from a scientific point of view…. I HAD ALMOST NO SORENESS IN MY BODY THAT EVENING OR THE NEXT TWO DAYS. That’s called delayed onset muscle soreness and this statement defies logic. But this again gets into Core Reprogramming. I’m going to be shedding a lot more light on this in presentations over the next few months at our new education center (please come!)

Which brings me to the 2022 Rut. I hope it’s not ego, but in 2015 I set a goal: I would run the Rut in 4 hours (35 min off my best time) and win my age group when I turned 50. For the last few years I’ve limped on a bum left knee. I’ve skipped the Rut 28k for 3 years now. It’s the only race I do. Two hunting seasons ago, I was way back in the steep and deep backcountry of Flesher Pass. I shot a cow elk, and since there was a grizzly in the vicinity, decided to bone it out and haul 120# out in only one load for well over 2 hours(I left some for the bear:) That damaged my left knee on a steep grade down to the cabin and has made most exercise very difficult. Maybe I’ve been lazy, but I didn’t really start training until about 4 months ago.

The primary goal…be able to run with minimal L knee pain. I’m now down to about 1-2/10 pain in my knee and running over 4 miles every other day. I also do “sprints” up to the top of Mount Helena with no problems. Again, I will rely primarily on my Core Reprogramming philosophy and CRa (Core Reprogramming Activator) tool in the attempt to achieve this goal over Labor Day weekend.

I hope, more than anything, I will not forget the meaning of why I will run this race: Love. If I dismiss this, I’m surely a fool! I’ll keep you posted!

Until then, get out on the trails. The left side of the Continental Divide trail on the top of McDonald Pass is my favorite this time of year.

I hope we can stay active together and support each other like Paul did for me. That touched my heart so deeply and I want to give it back.

Love will find the way

Matthew Fischer

Creator of Core reprogramming
inventor of the CRa Exercise Tool

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